What you need to know
December 2, 2016
What is Sexting?
When people talk about sexting, they usually mean sending and receiving:
- naked pictures or ‘nudes’.
- ‘underwear shots’.
- sexual or ‘dirty pics’.
- rude text messages or videos.
They can be sent to or from a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or someone you’ve met online.
Sexting can easily happen. Things can go wrong – even when you didn’t mean for them to.
What you need to know about texting:
- once you send a message you can’t control what happens to it.
- don’t let someone guilt or pressure you into sending a sex text.
- if you’ve sent a nude pic, have an honest conversation with the person you sent it to. Ask them to delete it.
- if an indecent or nude pic of you is posted online, you can contact the website directly or speak to a Childline counsellor about having it removed.
You’ve already shared photos – what now?
When sexting goes badly, it can make you feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed or anxious about what people might say. This is a natural reaction. The good news is that there are things you can do to make the situation better and prevent it from happening again.
Have an honest conversation with the person you sent the image to. Ask them to delete it. The quicker you’re able to do this the better. You can’t control what someone will do with an image, but having an honest conversation can help to make sure they won’t pass it on.
The sooner you talk to somebody about the situation the better. This could be your mum, dad, carer or a school teacher. Your school will have ways of dealing with these sorts of problems and can confiscate mobiles if they believe they have sexual images on them. The sooner you tell somebody, the more likely you can stop the image from being shared further.
It can feel scary or weird telling someone about sexting. So you can always talk to a counsellor if that’s easier. Our counsellors won’t tell anybody else what happened if you don’t want them to.
If you’re under 18 and an indecent or nude pic of you is posted online then that is illegal. But we can help. If you’re willing to share your details with us and confirm your identity, we can make a report to the Internet Watch Foundation (IWF) who will contact the website to try and remove it without anyone else being involved. The IWF tries to remove any illegal images posted online. Reporting what’s happened with a counsellor means that we can protect your identity and stop anyone else finding out.
Making a report can be scary, but our counsellors are here to support you and we won’t pass on your information without your permission. You can speak to a childline counsellor any time or send an email asking to make a report.
Contacting websites directly
You can contact the Internet Watch Foundation (IWF) about any criminal content online to have it removed.
Childline can help you have content removed – You can speak to one of our counsellors who can make a report to the Internet Watch Foundation on your behalf.
Reasons for Sexting
Sexting can happen for lots of reasons. You might:
- feel like ‘everyone else is doing it’ even if they’re not – especially if they’re exaggerating about sending photos or boasting about having them on their phone.
- worry about being seen as ‘not sexy’, ‘frigid’ or ‘shy’ and go along with things you’re uncomfortable with.
- feel under pressure to sext as a way of ‘proving’ your sexuality.
- feel harassed, threatened or blackmailed into sending pictures.
- feel it’s easier just to ‘give in’ to somebody who keeps asking for things.
- want someone’s approval.
- think you ‘owe’ your boyfriend or girlfriend or made to feel guilty if you don’t do what they ask you for.
- be in love with the person and trust them completely.
- have a long distance or online relationship with someone and want to have a sexual relationship with them.
- feel proud of your body and want to share it with other people.
We understand how easily sexting can happen and how things can go wrong – even when you didn’t mean them to. But we’re here to help. You can speak to a childline counsellor at any time.
What to do if someone asks you to send a photo
Sometimes people send photos because they are indirectly made to feel guilty. For example, somebody might say “I sent you a photo, so where’s mine?” or say that you “promised” them that you would send a picture. This is wrong. It’s also a form of emotional blackmail.
You don’t owe them anything and they shouldn’t try to make you feel guilty.
They might threaten to post a sexual image of you online if you don’t send them more images. This is wrong. It can feel scary or like you’re trapped in the situation. But if you’re not sure what to do, talk to a childline counsellor. We can help.
I’m feeling pressured
You shouldn’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. Sex and sexual activity of any kind is something people do together to feel good. It’s not something which can be “owed”. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do – even if you are in a relationship or have done sexual things with that person before.
How to stop someone sexting you
With text messages and calls it can be a bit harder to block someone. This means you should always be careful about giving people your phone number. You can block a particular number from contacting you on some mobiles.
WhatsApp and most messenger apps let you un-invite or block users. Check your phone user guide to see if yours can. If it gets too much, getting your phone number changed or buying a new SIM card is another option. A parent or carer could help you with this.
If an adult has been making you feel uncomfortable by asking you to send them images, you can report them on the CEOP website. If an adult does this it is sometimes called online grooming. It is wrong for anyone to be pressuring you in this way. If you are under 18, they are breaking the law.
What to do if you’re sent sexual images
If you’ve been sent a sexual image or video, don’t pass it on or share it with anyone. Think about how that person might feel if somebody else saw it. Think how you’d feel if it was a picture of you. If you’re asking your boyfriend or girlfriend for a naked photo, think about how much trust they’ll need to give you and how much pressure you’ll be putting on them.
If you’ve been sent a rude or sexual photo, you should speak to an adult in your life that you trust and tell them what you’ve received. This is really important if you’re under 18 or the other person is much older than you.
You can also report them using the CEOP reporting website and block them from contacting you again. This’ll stop them from sending you more inappropriate pictures.
People aren’t always honest about who they are online. If you’ve received a sexual message (including things like an email, text message, picture message or voicemail) or one that makes you uncomfortable, you should speak to an adult that you trust.
Telling them about the message you were sent can help the situation. This is really important if you’re under 18 or if the person who sent you the message is much older.
Many social networking sites and apps will let you report the message and block the person from contacting you again. This’ll help stop them from sending you more inappropriate messages. It’s also a good idea to report what happened to CEOP.
Find more information on Childline.